i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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