I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
