Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
