i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i would one night stand the shit outta him
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
