Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
