I think im going to throw up on grandma
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
