She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
