Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
