hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
