i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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