I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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