Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Girls should come with a carfax report
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
