I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
