Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
