I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
