my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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