dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
