True but thats because hes a fetus.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
