I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
