mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
