theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
