So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
