Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
