so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
