I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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