you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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