At least make sure they are 18
Why
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
