Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
