just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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