It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
