It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
