About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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