I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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