I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
