i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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