FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize