watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
