I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How does one acquire holy water?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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