All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
