im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
