Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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