you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
