i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
