Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
