My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh god it's open bar.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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