The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
