i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
