I am spending my child support on dildos
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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