Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
