If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
