I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
