Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
