I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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