So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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