I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
