cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
