I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
