i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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