$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
