I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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