I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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