Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
