Soap is not a condiment
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
