How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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