There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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