I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
