Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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