he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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