she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
