just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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