My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
