Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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