im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
