no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I didn't notice because vodka
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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