you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
