There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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